What stories are you still carrying with you?

Do you have a story from your past holding you back in some way because it no longer fits who you are now?

I'll share a personal example to illustrate:

When I was in high school, the guidance counselor told my parents

Vidya thrives on chaos.

When I heard that, I started wearing it as a badge of honor that I could manage loads of classes, clubs, activities, speeding through high school in 3 years barely breaking a sweat. And I continued to live that way for years - juggling work, grad school, skating, dancing, singing classes, work & personal travel, family & friend time & events - and in the back of my mind I’d think ‘yes, I thrive on chaos.’ 

Except...a few years ago, I was juggling a multitude of things - as I typically did - and I just couldn’t keep up. I constantly felt exhausted and I couldn’t figure out why...I felt that I should be able to because... ‘I thrive on chaos.’

And I realized that the story that drove my decisions and how I lived my life for almost 2 decades, no longer held true for me.

Once I gave myself permission to walk away from that story and change my expectations of how I ‘should’ be doing things, I was able to connect with what does help me thrive in my life. 

Is there a story from earlier in your career, or from school or your childhood that you’ve carried with you but no longer fits? How will you rewrite that story for who you are today?

Cheers,

Vidya

This seemed relevant for this time of year…

I came across a passage in Cleo Wade’s book Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom for a Better Life which felt like a relevant reminder for where many of us are in life (and time) right now:

“We may not always have the power to control what shows up at our door, but we always, always, always have the power to decide what stays and what goes.”

In the broader passage, she’s speaking in terms of stress and anxiety - that we can acknowledge and evaluate what brought them in but remember that we always have the power to take a deep breath and release them.

If this is something that is present for you right now, I hope you find this quote helpful.

Cheers,

Vidya

Feeling burnt out? Let’s talk self-care

This topic seems timely after the week I've had & some of the conversations I've been having with women.

One of my coaches had said this to me a while ago when we were speaking about my self-care routine:
 

"The point of self-care is to prime you to get you into your zone."

And that really resonated with me...it's like

stretching daily so you can hit your stride in your exercise routine
or
practicing scales as prep to sign or play an instrument
or maybe even
learning vocab words every day before taking the SATs/GREs/GMATs... 

So...if you’re feeling burnt out, or struggling to get through the day, create or tweak your self-care routine.  Scheduling in the time for self-care consistently will help with focus, anxiety, overall well-being…

If you currently don’t have a self-care routine, you could start by picking something that resonates with you - in fact, you may already be doing things that provide you the self-care benefit. Some things in my toolkit: journaling, meditation, listening music, and dance.

Some of my clients find what helps also includes: walking their dog, or cuddling with their pets, yoga, exercise, painting/drawing, gardening, cooking fun meals, starting the morning on the beach listening to the waves…

It’s about choosing what feels good to you so that you stick with it & it serves its purpose of helping you get into your zone.   

And if you’re thinking...
"This is just adding more things to my to-do list, I’m already so overwhelmed!!"
Do a little experiment (my inner science and econ/finance self geeks out on this):

1) Start with a blank slate

2) Pick one thing that resonates with you

3) Do that consistently in the morning for a few weeks (at least 21 - 30 days) - before you get too far into your day

4) Keep track - in terms of energy, focus, efficiency...whatever factors are most important for you right now - to figure out your return on investment. 

Do you currently have a self-care routine? What are some of the things in your toolkit? And if you’re just starting, what are you going to start with?

Cheers,
Vidya

Feeling icky about networking?

To a lot of people, networking sounds like this very structured, overwhelming process...or because of what we think it means, have even a slightly icky feel to it.

For a lot of us, the word causes anxiety.

When someone is telling me about their career exploration and job search & I ask them about their networking approach, the most common responses I get are:
 

‘Where do I even start?’
‘I know I should, but I’m not comfortable with it...'
'I’m not good at it.’

But it’s a key component of the career change process. 

Why do I believe so much in the power of networking? Every job I got when I changed career paths was a direct result of a connection I had made.  In fact, I can attribute every single job and consulting contract post-college (and I’ve had more than a few) to networking - even when I didn't know that's what I was doing.

If you're like me, and perhaps struggle with what I think of as the old-school/traditional networking approach [e.g., if you were to drop me into a networking happy hour or event, you’d find me holding up a wall - virtual or otherwise, totally awkward and uncomfortable - I am SO much better in 1:1 or small group conversations], try this:

(1) Find one person in your family/social circle/community - someone you know who is doing something you’re interested in learning more about
(2) And ask them if you can chat with them to learn more about their experiences.

That’s the gist of networking!

Cheers,

Vidya

😣 Can I pretend that job never happened?!?

In December 2011, I decided to leave a PhD program 1.5 years in. And for the longest time, I wished I could take some white-out and erase the entire experience from my history.   

I dreaded job interviews for years afterwards… 
 

Interviewer: “Tell me how you came to get an M.S. in Marketing?” 

(because you typically don’t see people get an M.S. in Marketing)

Me: “Um...I was in a doctoral program but I ended up leaving with a Masters.”
 

Which would then lead to the even more uncomfortable question:

 “So why did you decide to leave your doctoral program?”

And I’d be fumbling for an answer that didn’t make me sound like a failure or someone who didn’t know what she was doing with her life. 

If you have an academic experience or a job in your past that didn’t work out or wasn’t the right fit for you and you struggle to answer questions about it, check out my Facebook Live from a couple weeks ago that addresses this topic.

The gist of the live is that I provide 2 questions you can ask yourself to stop beating yourself up and start reframing the experience for yourself and future employers:
 

1. What is the one thing I learned from the experience that I can apply to my next one?

2. What is one reason it wasn't the right path or experience for me?

If you’re up for sharing your responses once you’ve had a chance to sit and reflect, I’d love to hear!

Cheers,

Vidya

Dreading the thought of New Year's resolutions 😫? Try picking a theme for 2020 instead

I can't believe how quickly 2019 has gone by! Does it feel that way to you too??

For me, some of the highlights form this year include:

• moving from DC, after calling it home for the past 5 years

• passing my first adult ice skating test (about 10 years in the making!)

• seeing 3 Broadway musicals in NYC the week of my birthday

• investing in my personal and profession development

• conducting my first in-person career workshop in Chicago

And now we’re almost into a new year - a new decade (!) - which usually means resolutions. In the past I’d set so many of resolutions every year...some lasted longer than others, but usually I’d miss one day or week and by the end of month 2 or 3, they would have all gone out the window.

After a while, it wasn’t even fun. Most of my resolutions made me feel like I was doing something wrong with my life. And it felt like a grueling experience trying to keep up with all of them.

Finally, I just stopped doing resolutions all together.  

Then earlier this year, I came across this post by Gretchen Rubin about picking a theme for the year as our resolution...and it really intrigued me.

Why, you ask?   

I’m finding that this idea fits in with my process of creating a holistic vision for the year. I don’t feel like I’m being pulled in different directions or that I have a million things to keep track of. And it’s fun to think of the one word that encompasses what I want to achieve.

After I saw Gretchen's post, I looked back to the personal and professional goals I’d outlined for 2019 and realized that there was a recurring theme: Growth  

So, how does framing my resolution as a theme differ from how I used to frame my resolutions?

For example, let’s use my theme from this year...  

My old way of looking at resolutions:

As of January 1st,

Go to the gym 4 x a week

Eat at home unless I was eating with someone else (I used to eat take-out way too often)

Watch only 1 hour of TV a night

.

.

.

(you get the picture)

My new way of looking at resolutions:

The overarching theme for my year is growth...I’d love to achieve more growth in myself, my creativity, my business, and in building and strengthening my relationships  

Before my resolutions always had all these parameters and I felt like I was locked in...that if I didn’t do it exactly as I’d laid it out on December 31st, I’d failed…AND I realized that I was always choosing things that I either felt were limiting my lifestyle or that I wouldn’t do unless I had them listed as resolutions. By choosing a theme, I feel like I’m allowing for more flexibility and flow - I can choose activities or goals that fit under that theme in the moment, at any point in the year. 

So...what would your theme for 2020 be?  

And if you want to share this with someone you think might find this helpful, please do!

Cheers,
Vidya