This is key to your empowerment

I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with emotions these last few months - from sadness to frustration to rage - as we see situation after situation happening across the world, time and time again.

And I remembered being told for most of my life that I’m too sensitive because I would easily cry, not only when I was upset but when someone around me was hurting, or I would get so worked up when faced with a situation (mine or someone else’s) that felt unfair. 

To the point of being so overwhelmed by the emotion that I couldn’t verbalize my thoughts coherently or I’d freeze on taking any action.

Have you felt this too?

And the message I internalized was that it’s safer if we didn’t feel so strongly, especially if it was sorrow or anger. 

But as I’ve deepened into my own personal development, detangled from the cultural norms I’ve been conditioned with, and supported others in their empowerment, I began to own my sensitivity and allow myself to fully feel my emotions.

I’ve realized that:

A fully empowered woman feels - and allows herself to feel - all of her emotions, no matter how big they are.

Because connecting to all aspects of yourself - including the emotional - is what empowers you. By fully acknowledging (feeling) all of your emotions, you can then process and catalyze those emotions to take actions towards the impact you want to make. 

If you’ve haven’t yet given yourself permission - or you feel like you shouldn’t - I invite you to allow yourself to feel your emotions. Perhaps it’s just 1% more than you have been…to start. 

Cheers,

Vidya

What norms are holding you back?

Recently, after finishing up a few things, I made toast with almond butter, banana slices and cinnamon and my chai. 

It was around 11:30am.

As I sat down to eat, my mom (I was at my parents’ house) asked me

 Is this your breakfast or is this your lunch?

To which I replied,

Does it really matter?

Why did we need to fit it into a box (or label it)?

The last year or so, I’ve become even more aware of all these other ways that societal, cultural and even familial norms have conditioned us to conform. 

This experience with my toast is just one light example, but there are so many that actually impact the way we live our life…

and the way we subconsciously or unconsciously fit ourselves into boxes and systems that are dowsing or stifling our vitality, our peace, and our well-being.

Breaking free from those labels or norms that have been keeping us in those boxes? 

🙋🏽‍♀️I’m totally here for it…

Who’s with me?  

Cheers,

Vidya

What does the space where you live & work do for you?

I've realized how much our space (environment) impacts our lives, how we work & live. It can make a BIG difference in our work & life satisfaction. 

And I'm really excited to share one little tidbit about this concept with you today.

When you look at your space - whether it's your work space or living space (or all of the spaces you spend time in during your day) - how does it make you feel?

Does it energize you? Inspire you? Help you focus? After a stressful, exhausting day, does your space soothe, comfort or bring you joy?

Your space is one more piece of the puzzle that can bring you joy, help you feel more focused, rejuvenated, alive, and fulfilled throughout your day.

We can go SO deep on this, but I want to give you one thing you can take away and implement right now.

(1) Identify one thing in your space that when you look at it, it elicits calm or a spark of joy or fulfillment or aliveness...(you get to decide what feeling you want to evoke)

(2) At least once a day, take a few minutes to really see that thing and let the feeling it evokes really seep in

My clients know this but if you haven't worked with me yet, in our sessions, I often bring us back to how things make you feel. Because I've seen how that can impact how we approach the things we do.

The emotion that's sparked internally, sparks our external view. Do you notice that when you're feeling really sad or angry you might see or react to things differently than when you feel really joyful?

Do you have something in your space that you've noticed helps you feel more alive, fulfilled or joyful? For me, I recently bought a cute, small french provincial style dresser and every time I look at it, it brings a smile to my face. And I take the time to soak that feeling in so I have it with me as I go about my day.

Know someone who could benefit from this message? Please forward this post to them.

Cheers,

Vidya

P.S. Did you miss my co-hosting episode on Beyond Small Talk last week where I joined Jackie Janiec to talk about Soul Goals? You can still catch the episode on IG TV or Spotify

Your Job = Your Purpose?

One of the things I always remind my clients (and myself) is that you get to decide what purpose means to you and how you apply it in your life. Meaning you may fulfill your purpose through your career, a passion project/side gig, volunteer work, through taking care of family, being there for friends...there are so many ways.

What I've seen tripping people up is thinking that purpose always has to be fulfilled through career. Yes, it can. But if you've struggled with this - or if you've been beating yourself up about this, hear me now: your job/career does not have to be your purpose. It can be a vehicle that allows you to live your purpose - e.g., it's perfectly ok to have a job that you put your hours in, get the work done, aren't super excited about* if it provides you the money, time, mental bandwidth, etc to do be and experience the things that give you purpose.

[*in which case I'd ask you to confirm with yourself that this is your intention for the job]

You are not locked in stone. What you learn and experience shapes you. And that may mean your purpose shifts or evolves as you go through life. At the heart of it, I want you to remember that you get to choose what is aligned for you.

And if you struggle to identify your purpose, here's a writing or reflection prompt for you: What do you stand for? What is important to you?

Know someone who could benefit from this message? Please share the link to this post with them.

Cheers,

Vidya

What’s your 2021 theme?

It’s the first month of 2021.

If you feel like you should be off to a roaring start but just don't have the energy to back you up, take it slow. This is a quick reminder that in the northern hemisphere, we're in the thick of winter which is a natural time to slow down, rest & reflect. Many thanks to my friend Yari who reminded me of this yesterday when I was feeling off. 

January is one of the most common times to set intentions/goals/resolutions for the year. But remember, you can choose, reassess, come back to this at any time of the year. Because I grew up in a culture where we also follow a calendar where the months & year start at different times than the Gregorian calendar we typically follow, I tend to think of this practice as more fluid and come back to it multiple times over the course of 12 months. 

But if setting goals/intentions/resolutions is a practice that you implement for yourself, I wanted to share the following with you...

Last year, I came across an old blog post by Gretchen Rubin about picking a one-word theme for the year.  

Before, my resolutions always had all these parameters and I felt like I was locked in...that if I didn’t do it exactly as I’d laid out at the beginning of the year, I’d failed…

AND I realized that I was always choosing things that I wouldn’t do unless I had them listed as a resolution. After a while, I just stopped coming up with any at all. 

But then I came across the post, and the idea really intrigued me.

By choosing a theme, I feel like I’m allowing for more flexibility and flow.

I can choose what fits under that theme in the moment, at any point in the year. 

My 2020 theme was growth - and looking back, even with everything that happened, I realized that I did experience growth in different parts of my life, some in very subtle ways. It wasn't necessarily in the way I'd envisioned, but I can look at all the ways I did and feel good.  

Right now, and for the foreseeable future my theme is JOY. What’s yours?

Know someone who could benefit from this message? Please share this post with them.

Cheers,

Vidya

What do you truly want for your life?

In my last post, I talked about people - one of the 5 pillars of my framework - and I shared some questions to ask yourself as you cultivate and assess your circle.

Today we're touching on another pillar: soul.

This is a great time of year (but you can do this at any time) to tap into who you are at your core. And from that place - ask yourself, what do I truly want?

I was telling one of my clients last week to think of it as 'dance like no one's watching.'

Meaning, what are your deepest desires? The ones you haven't told or wouldn't tell someone else? What do you want so much but you're scared to voice aloud? What would you say if you didn't have to worry about being judged, by yourself or by family, friends, colleagues or society?

Get really clear on what you want from and for this life of yours that sparks joy, aliveness and fulfillment in your life right now.

Make a list for all areas of your life. It's not that you'll be rushing headfirst into everything on your list as soon as you list it out. But this exercise gives us a starting point to dig so much deeper and that's where the fun  & growth starts :).

I highly recommend you try out this exercise. And if you want to learn how to take this further/how we could go deeper, to start making shifts in your life now rather than waiting for a 'someday' down the road that may never get here, do reach out.

Know someone who could benefit from this message? Please share this post with them.

Cheers,

Vidya

Who do you let into your circle?

 I never thought I'd be quoting Wesley Snipes but I came across this quote & it's so on point:

"Your circle should want to see you win.

Your circle should clap loudly when you have good news.

If not, get a new circle."

- Wesley Snipes

This week I wanted to talk about the people you surround yourself with - who do you let into your circle?

One truth that I know from my own ups & downs and seeing others' experiences is that we need a circle or at least one person who can stand for & by us and for whom we can do the same when things get tough AND when they're going well.

But you should be very deliberate about who you invite into your circle. This may mean saying no to someone - ending relationships or letting them fade away. 

You want to make sure the people in your circle are an aligned, energetic fit.

Here are 5 questions to ask yourself as you cultivate or take a look at your circle:

Are the people in your circle a safe space for you to share the good, bad & ugly?

Do they challenge & inspire you to grow?

Do they get who you are, providing both the tough love & the comfort - all with compassion?

Can you provide the same for them as they do for you?

And this can be a difficult decision criteria, but perhaps the most important: 

Does this connection drain your energy consistently?

(there will always be a give & take, ebb & flow but if your energy is consistently drained, this connection may not be one that serves you)

I've been fortunate in the last 20-25 years to build a few circles. If you don't have a circle or support system right now, don’t worry, you can start with one person and grow it from there (and they don't all have to be in each others' circles for them to be in your circle either). Is there one person in your life that you can trust to have your back and for you to have theirs?

Know someone who could benefit from this message? Please share the link with them.

And as you move closer to a new year and reflect on your life, I have 2 more important questions for you:

Do you feel like you've been going down that day-in & day-out 'rinse & repeat' cycle without an end in sight? Putting the important things on hold until that one day in the future but secretly you’re terrified that you’ll look back on your life and have so many regrets?

Do you want to experience your life to the fullest with more fun, joy & fulfillment right now, actively creating the experiences, memories and sanctuary that continuously make you feel alive and recharged?

If you dream of spending time on what's important to you, making the most of each day, having fun and feeling alive & fulfilled while doing it, without waiting for that ‘someday’ in the future, I’ve got great news! I’m taking all these concepts - a taste of it is what I shared above re: your circle - and I’ve packaged it in a complete program so that you too can start loving & celebrating the life you’re living now.

If this intrigues you, I'd love to share more with you. Send me a message and I’ll reach out!

Cheers,

Vidya

2021 Goals: Setting yourself up for success or misery?

It’s that time of year where you might be setting your professional and / or personal goals for 2021.

When you set your goals, do they spark the feeling of excitement and inspiration in you as you work towards them? 

OR

Do you find that over time you struggle to make progress, keep your momentum going or stay excited? 

Usually when we’re in the second boat, we either push, push, push ourselves through or we keep at it with a sluggish pace until we finally drop it.  

And this can be a signal that the goal you chose (or were given) isn’t a good fit for you! 

So this goal setting cycle, I invite you to ponder if a goal is a good fit for you before you settle on it.

I have several questions I pose to my clients to ascertain if a goal is a good fit. One we don't always consider but is really key in your ability to reach your goal is:

Will you enjoy the process of working towards this goal?

Yes, the outcome can be really cool if you reach it, but if you don’t enjoy the process of moving towards it - is that really where you want to spend your time, energy & and maybe even money? 

Here's an example - in late 2015, I sat in a conference listening to how training for endurance sports can help us really understand & improve how we approach our business. I was in a room of 300 people, caught up in the excitement and absolutely sure this would turn me into a kick-ass business woman. So obviously, I signed up right then and there for this year-long program which was training for and completing 2 half-marathons (the 1st half-marathon was in La Jolla, CA which sounded like a fun place to visit).

In January 2016, I received my training plan. It spelled out exactly what I had to do each day from January through the La Jolla half-marathon in mid-April. So there I was, with my brand new sneakers & puffy coat, bundling up each day to train in the cold, running through the streets and parks of DC. Then in mid-April I flew to warm, sunny La Jolla and managed to run/walk 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 55 mins (my goal was to finish in under 3 hours) to complete my first half-marathon.

I achieved my goal. I learned some things about myself & how I approach my business in the process. I can forever say I ran a half-marathon. 

The hilarious part???

I absolutely HATE running!!! 

So, yes, I achieved the goal, but think about how many hours (& how much energy) I chose to spend those 4 months doing something that didn’t bring me any joy.

(After that, even though I'd paid for it, I continued with the sluggish pace I mentioned at the beginning, until I dropped out).    

Wouldn’t you rather be spending your precious time on something that you want to learn, that you’re curious about, that brings you a spark of joy? 

Know someone who could benefit from this message? Please forward the link to them.

Cheers,

Vidya

Do you struggle to stand up for yourself?

My question for you today: Do you struggle to stand up for yourself? 

It can be intimidating - a lot of us are taught not to rock the boat - and, if you find yourself putting others first over yourself, it can be a pattern or habit that you don’t even realize you have. 

Personally, I’ve found that it’s often easier to stand up for someone or something else than it is to stand up for myself. And I know many of you have told me the same thing.

Because this topic came up in a client session a few weeks ago and then also in a few more conversations since then, I wanted to share an exercise I shared with my clients. 

So how can you make sure you’re able to stand up for yourself when it counts, like asking for the promotion or a salary increase or holding to your boundaries? 

Start standing up for things that are low-stakes for you. 

Why? 

Because, it’s about practice. Think of this as a muscle you are strengthening and toning. That means you need to focus, be intentional and build in a lot of practice with this before it becomes something that is comfortable or second nature, like you would if it was a sport, music, a language, dance...

So now, throwing it over to you - what are some ways where you can practice standing up for yourself vs. going with the flow?

I’ll start with two of my own: calling the cable/internet company when my internet bill jumped up to ask if there were alternative options and more recently, saying no to an opportunity that I knew I didn’t have the bandwidth to take on. 

Cheers,

Vidya

P.S. I had a great time chatting with my friend Jackie Janiec on her Beyond Small Talk show a few weeks ago, about breaking free from careers that no longer serve us. You can check out our conversation on your go-to media channel: YouTube, IG TV, Podbean, Spotify, or Apple Podcast! If you know someone who would benefit from hearing this, please share the links! And check out Jackie’s other Beyond Small Talk episodes!

When not knowing everything can be a bonus

If you’re like me, you might tend to lean towards worrying about being prepared enough (I always have to keep an eye out for my perfectionist tendencies) when you’re starting something new.

But what if not knowing everything can actually be a bonus? See, I know that when I’m used to doing or seeing something a certain way, it’s really easy to get tunnel vision and, over time, become susceptible to missing something deeper. 

Not knowing all the ins and outs of something can give you the lens to really identify any gaps that others steeped in the processes or culture might not even realize exist. And that plus having the courage to speak up and ask ‘why?’ is something to nurture (and if anyone says otherwise, don’t listen to them, they are not a fit for you).  

It took me a long time to develop the confidence and courage to realize that not knowing everything can be a gift. Is this something you struggle with?

Cheers,

Vidya